This week at WNW we concluded the "Silly Little Love Songs" series. We opened with a worship set that included "Opposite Way" (Leeland), "God With Us" (MercyMe), and "On My Cross" (FFH). During the worship set we also played this video from the same people we have the past few weeks. This video pokes fun at the fear of being single but challenges those who are to enjoy and not be in such a hurry to be in a relationship that they make a mistake.
After a brief review of the entire series we got into the message asking this question: "What do you do when you realize that he/she isn't who you are going to marry?" It is a question that must be answered if you are in this position. I shared about how I was faced with this and did nothing. So because I did nothing I allowed myself to become more emotionally attached to the girl I was dating and delayed the inevitable. We have to realize that dating is getting ready for marriage. This is God's intention as laid out in Genesis 2:24 when marriage first began. When you date someone you need to ask if it is someone who you would marry. If not then you do not need to date them. So moving into our silly little love song for the week we went back to 80's and watched a clip from New Kids On the Block's song "Please Don't Go Girl". We then looked at a couple of lyrics. First one was the title line "Please don't go girl". If you have to beg them to stay then it is not worth it. Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? Unless you are married, then you fight for your marriage as much as possible. Then we talked about the next line "You would ruin my whole world". Well this certainly is not true. I was always the kind of person who was sad a couple days after experiencing a break up. Then about day three I was a brand new person who was excited to have freedom. It will not ruin your world if you break up with the person you are not supposed to be with.
So thinking again about the question "What do you do when you realize that he/she is not who you are supposed to marry? I laid out three things that you should do when this occurs.
1) You Break Up
I already alluded to this with the song. When you realize you are not going to marry them then you need to end it. However you need to end it the right way. You should do it face to face. Do not do it through text message, Facebook message, etc. Also you need to be honest with them as to why. However there are couple things you need to consider when being honest. First of all you need to do it in a way that is not discouraging or tearing them down as in Ephesians 4:29. Also do not use God as a crutch. Too often teenagers will play the God card when they break up with someone but their reason is something else entirely. This is a definite hurt to your Christian witness. I really challenged the students to never do this.
2) You Heal
Any breakup is probably not going to be easy. It will hurt a little bit. So when that occurs you allow God to heal you as only He can- Psalm 147:3. Often people try to allow anything else to heal their pain, but only God can, and He will.
3) You Wait
You take some time to wait on God- Psalm 27:14. During this time you wait and allow Him to grow you. You allow Him to mold you to become who the person you are looking for is looking for.
I wrapped up with this thought. Often teenagers will ask the question to a married couple "How did you know that he/she was the one?" Then the married couple will usually respond "you just know". This is often confusing and even frustrating so here is the best way I knew how to answer this question to the students. I shared that while you wait on God, you seek Him with all your heart. God is constantly speaking to us- giving us instructions, correcting us, laying out His will, etc. When we are seeking His face daily then it is in those moments that we are actually able to hear Him. So if we are seeking Him this way then we will be able to hear Him tell us that the person is the one He intends for us to marry. I closed by telling them that it is my desire to come to their weddings some day and see that they allowed God to grow them and prepare them for that marriage. That their testimony will be that they waited on God and followed Him however He directed them.
I think this has been a great series and hopefully got the students thinking ahead. I really challenged them to be thinking beyond the next few minutes in life and begin to plan ahead. They should be thinking about the marriage that they know is God's desire for them and then work toward that making the best decisions possible.